I don't get it?

Living in Milwaukee I see alot of guys and ladies on motorcycles, namely Harley Davidsons. They build them here. Why do they have to dress weird when they ride though? Crazy backward leather hats or kind of dew rag looking things on their heads are the rule. Tight shirts (never mind most riders have a beer gut) and scuddy looking jeans. Don't forget those big hunking leather engineer boots (they look awful on the ladies). The bikes they ride cost upward of $20,000 so I know their apparel could be at least slighty better. They buy those pricey bikes and then get a long drill bit and drill out the baffles in the muffler in case the dang thing isn't loud enough. What they call fun is getting together on weekends and riding around in groups of ten or more and just going from place to place such as biker bars. The biker bars aren't where you would want to take your mother or even your mother-in-law. If the stench isn't to proper levels they use a special spray. Anyway I don't get it.

Royal Schmoyal...I had that kind of wedding too!

The similarities are UNCANNY:

My wife got up early to watch the Royal Wedding so I watched it with her. I can't help but see the similarities between my wedding forty-five years ago and this wedding. For instance: 

1. William and Kate traveled to the wedding in separate Rolls Royce's and we traveled to ours in Joan's dads Nash Rambler station wagon. 
2. Kate's wedding dress was made by a team of top dressmakers of England and Joan got hers at Penny's Outlet. 
3. William got Kate's ring from his mothers jewelry collection and I purchased Joan's ring at the Warehouse of Zurkonia (I still have two payments left). 
4. They were married at West Minster Abby and we were married at Holy Redeemer church (38th and Hampton). 
5. Officiating for the Royals was the Archbishop of Canterbury and we had a hippy priest. 
6. After the ceremony William and Kate were taken to the reception at Buckingham Palace by horse drawn carriage and we were taken to our reception at the V.F.W in my father-in-laws Nash Rambler station wagon.
7. William and Kate's wedding cake was made by a team of famous pastry chefs ours was bought at Mrs. Karl's Thrift Store. 
8. They will serve their guests the finest champagne and we gave ours free cheap beer (Old Milwaukee). 
9. They will honeymoon on a private Caribbean island and we spent Saturday night and  all day Sunday at Wisconsin Dells (we had to work on Monday). 

Its uncanny the similarities.

God Bless,

Paul

(4-29-11)

Ideas just come to me...what can I say?

Random Thoughts:

► You know that some people think I'm sort of cheap. I like to donate things to Goodwill, St. Vini's and Teen Challenge but the thing is after I donate the stuff I then go into the store and buy more stuff. I think I'm getting more forgetful now because my wife told me I have been rebuying the stuff I just dropped off. I got to cut that out.

► Bad news! Some guy stole my identity. When he found out how useless it was, he tried to give it back. I tell ya, I get no respect.

God Bless,

Paul

Driving for recovery

Time for transition:

I wanted to tell you that I got the OK from my visiting nurse that I can start driving again. When She left I got out the minivan and did a burn-out all the way down the driveway and into the street. I went up and down our little street doing burn-outs and doughnuts. After that I pulled in front of the house and crawled out the window of the minivan unto the roof. 

I then raised my arms in victory like I won the Daytona 500 or something. That's when things went wrong. I decided to do a flip off the roof of the minivan and I landed head first into a snow bank. 

Good thing my wife witnessed the display. She dug me out, dried me off, cleaned me up, and put me to bed for a two hour nap (I take a lot of those). Anyway I can drive again. 

God Bless

Paul 

(2-25-11)

I can DO this...just give me time!

Post-Op Blues:

The doctors said I could go home if my wife did everything for me at home for a little while. They didn't know that my wife has been doing everything for me for forty-five years now. I never did my own wash (do you sort colors? how much detergent?) or never cooked my own meals (What do you set the oven at 250 or 650?). 

When I was still working, my wife made my lunch for me every day to carry (I don't know where the food is and even if I did, what would I do with it if I found it?). I remember trying to make toast once and I burned it so I never tried that again (I think there's a little dial on the side of the toaster for light and dark, nobody told me). 

My kids always try to tell her to stop doing everything for me but she likes it, so why does it bother them?

God Bless

Paul


(2-21-11)

Proverbs By Pablo (1)

Just trying to be of assistance:

• Where there is hatred - I give you ice water in your face
• Where there is fear - I sneak up on you and go BOO
• Where there is sadness- I give you the whoopi cushion
• Where there is confusion - I want to play cards with you for money
• Where there is anger - While your're counting to ten, I blow off a cherry bomb at nine

I got more but I'm going to bed

God Bless

Paul

(2-14-11)

♪ My State Fair is a Great State Fair ♫

Solving the world's problems...one at a time:

My family and I went to State Fair Thursday and had a very enjoyable day. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary but my wife says I'm very similar to Mr. Magoo. I did hear about problems later. 

Every law enforcement group including the US Marines were in force Friday. More law enforcement personal than fairgoers I say. Here's my idea. Elephants, about twenty of them. That's all you'd need. Twenty elephant trainers from India or Africa on board. Elephants are much more intimidating than a horse and forget about bicycles. 

An elephant can attack a crowd of fighting people and actually use there trunk to pull them apart and move them to a secure area or just take them and crush them up against a midway ride and they work for peanuts too.

Anyway, that's what I think would work,

Paul

(8-5-11)

Chills, Thrills, and utility Bills

Making the weather more tolerable:

I'm sure you've noticed it's been a real hot summer. 

When I was young 93 degrees was 93 degrees and in winter 0 was 0 and you planned accordingly but what bugs me the most is that they have a new measurement now for heat that's called "Heat Index". When it's 93 degrees F. the weather man says the Heat Index says it makes it feel like 110. Same in the winter. It's 0 degrees but the Wind Chill makes it feel like it's 24 below. 

Here's my Idea, lets use the Wind Chill in the summer and the Heat Index in the winter. Say it's 93 degrees, with the Wind Chill, that would make it feel like only 78 degrees. In the winter if it's 0 we use the Heat Index and it would feel like 24 degrees. Think of all the money you could save on your energy bill and no more added worry about exaggerated  weather reports.

I think this could work

Paul

(8-2-11)

Hiyah! - Check mate!!

Spicing up a boring hobby:

I have been having talks with a major cable network on a new half sport and half reality show. Full Contact Chess, played in a ten foot  square cage. Right now I'm trying to find two master chess players who would be ok with beating the tar out of each other. It's not been easy. Maybe I should just work on my party game Greco-Roman No Holds Bared Twister. 

I just might hit pay dirt on that one.

God Bless

Paul

(7-26-11)

The Plungman

Combining two GREAT products:

I am working on a MP3 player mounted on a plunger. I call it The Plungman. My idea is to make plunging more of an enjoyable experience. After extensive testing I sent my product to a marketing consulting firm. They said it stunk. Now I don't know if they mean that the product actually smells or that the product is just a bad idea. Back to the drawing board I guess.

God Bless

Paul

(7-25-11)

Body panels for easy access

Making Surgery a "snap!"

My latest idea is (at this point you may want to delete message) I think a good one. The Body Access Panel. Since my retirement I've had  two operations. I'm doing well now but the hard part about this is not the removal of organs or bypassing arteries but it's the healing of the ribs and the incision. Think about it, after your car is fixed the mechanic doesn't weld the hood shut so that next time something goes wrong he can cut a whole in the hood again to work on it again, repair it and weld it up again. Why do that on people? 

I'm  working on a 6" X12" panel for the human torso. With this panel (which I have installed on myself by the way) surgeons can have access to all major organs. I was able to match my skin collar pretty close too. At the beach people can hardly notice the hinges and latch although one time the panel opened unexpectedly. (I have more work to do on the latch.) People aren't used to seeing a beating heart and lungs expanding and contracting (at the beach anyway) but they will when The Body Access Panel becomes more widely used. Kind of gross but you have to say that this idea has promise. No?

God Bless

Paul


(7-24-11)

Concealed Carry comes to Wisconsin...introducing the "i-BANG!"

My New Invention:


Some inventors including guess who are working on a new invention that could make me like the next Bill Gates. With the new conceal carry law coming up this year astute business entrepreneurs like myself are getting in on the ground floor. 


Here's my idea. I think the next big thing is going to be combining the iphone and the micromini hand gun.

I going to call it the ibang but that's not for sure yet. Small but with a lot of punch if you get my drift. If I can get my product to market first, it's going to BIG. I just have to iron out some safety issues first. Some small things like blowing a whole through your head when all you really wanted to do is answer the phone, stuff like that. I'm trying to set up  a conference call between the three of us (Bill Gates, Smith & Wesson and me) but I'm having a hard time getting all of us together cause I'm so busy all the time.

Any way that's what's up with me

Paul


(June 20, 2011)